Compassion and the benefit of the doubt
How a nasty 30-second interaction with a teacher impacted me for years
When I was in the 9th grade, I was a pretty bright kid doing well at school, but it was around this time I started getting migraines. This typically didn't interfere with my studies too much, but it did show up on my attendance and homework record occasionally.
Fortunately because I was a good student and had good relationships with most of my teachers, they knew what was happening and were very understanding.
One week, I remember having a substitute teacher, I think it was for History, take a number of classes and I missed a couple of pieces of homework. She had held me back after class one day to ask about it, and I explained to her very politely that I was getting migraines.
She unintentionally taught me a lesson in compassion and giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
But not in a nice way
She looked at me in the most incredulous way, shook her head, and let out a very sharp, "Oh really, come on!" whilst rolling her eyes for added effect.
That brief interaction didn't just leave a young teenage boy in tears, it created a little wave of self-doubt, shame and guilt that took years to recover from.
For a long time, I would make all sorts of excuses before I admitted to having a migraine, but the more insidious impact was that I felt guilty and wrong for being unwell - especially if I had a debilitating migraine.
I wouldn't just hide from the pain it caused; I hid from the fear of getting told that I was just making it up.
Over the next several years, as I healed from the migraines and various other things (including that little incident), I realised how much of an impact such a simple interaction could have on someone.
I grew up to really appreciate Maya Angelou's words of wisdom:
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
That's pretty much all I remember about that teacher, who accidentally taught me a valuable lesson - that has carried over into various parts of my life - about being compassionate and giving a person the benefit of the doubt.