My low-stress, joyful & inspiring end-of-year ritual

A simple process for reflecting on the past year and looking at the year ahead that doesn't involve goal setting or taking on unnecessary pressure, and will probably leave you feeling great!

I've shared my personal, somewhat private, end-of-year ritual with some of my coaching clients and a couple of close friends, and every single time someone has actually done it, they've been thoroughly grateful for the experience.

Now I'm finally going to share it more openly with you too.

This ritual is something I created for myself a few years ago, and it's helped me (and others I've shared it with) reflect on the past year and look ahead at the coming year in a way that is low-stress, joyful and inspiring.

Before this, I tried a lot of rituals because I felt I simply should. I tried detailed audits with complex frameworks, resolutions, annual goal-setting workshops, etc. They always felt like 'work' when I did them, and kind of sucked out the fun a little from the holiday season. I felt a sense of pressure to live up to my self-image as someone who valued personal growth, and I realised I was just making it very easy to not do anything that was mindfully helpful.

Since creating this process a few years ago, I've actually looked forward to it and it's made a genuinely lasting impact on setting up my next year in a more positive way.

So let's dive in!

Set and setting

The concept of "set and setting" was popularised in the 1960s by Timothy Leary, a psychologist and writer known for his advocacy of psychedelics. It highlights the importance of preparation and context in shaping experiences, particularly those that are profoundly altering of one’s perception, as with psychedelics. 

I think set and setting are very important for any exercise/process/ritual with an intention of deep reflection and contemplation that might inform significant decision-making. This is one of those.

The first thing you want to do is find a comfortable setting where you have access to something to write with and, preferably, a digital device with an Internet connection (I’ll explain why in a moment).

I've done this ritual at home, which is my preferred place, as well as in cafes, by the ocean, and in a park. I've also used my phone, computer and pen on paper at different times. It's such a pleasure that I never really feel limited by any setting or tools, as long as my mindset is right.

The "set" part refers to your mindset when you're undergoing the experience. It includes factors like emotional state, expectations, personal history, and mental health. 

Before you begin the journaling component of this ritual, take some time to get into a reflective state of mind. This might involve deep breathing, meditation, or simply sitting quietly for a few moments to transition your mind from daily tasks to introspection.

Acknowledge and accept your current emotional state. If you've had a challenging year, it's important to approach the ritual with a sense of compassion and understanding towards yourself.

Be open to whatever thoughts and feelings arise. Journaling can sometimes bring up unexpected emotions or memories, and it's important to allow these to flow without judgment.

If you can do this in a more controlled environment, there are things you can do with your setting that can help your mindset.

Consider lighting, temperature, and background noise. You might light a candle, play some soft music, or ensure the room is at a comfortable temperature. Turn off your phone or any other devices that might interrupt you. Let family members or housemates know you need some undisturbed time.

Now you're ready to pick up your pen or get your keyboard into position.

The past year

You're going to answer 4 questions with short-hand bullet points. I'll explain how but first I'll just list the questions for you.

• Loved - What did you love doing, experiencing, having and/or being?

• Longed - What were you left longing for that didn't materialise?

• Loathed - What did you loathe (i.e. dislike or hate even) doing and/or experiencing?

• Lessons - What did you learn about yourself, others, and/or things?

This is inspired by a fairly typical agile retrospective format, but I phrased the questions to allow for broader reflection.

Okay, do you remember how I said above it's useful to have a digital device with an Internet connection handy? Let me tell you why and how I go about answering these questions.

1. First I'll start with the Loved question only, and write down whatever is top of my mind. I will not push myself too hard to remember.
   

2. Once I've got the top-of-mind stuff down, I'll open my Google Photos account. I make it a habit of taking at least one photo on my phone of any memories I want to highlight, knowing specifically that they will automatically sync with my Google Photos account. So, when I do this ritual, my photo stream for the past year becomes an effortless and pleasant way to jog my memory, and it makes it very easy to write down more things into the Loved list.

   
   I'm not advocating for you to use Google Photos. It just happens to be a way I systemise and automate this part for myself throughout the year. If you need to look at your photos manually, that's fine. If you prefer to look at your calendar, that's fine too. If you have some completely other way of making it easy to look back over your year, do that. It can also be very nice to do this with your family or a loved one you’ve shared a lot of the memories with.
   

3. Once I'm done with the Loved list, and often feeling pretty good for remembering and appreciating plenty of things that are easy to take for granted, I'll then write down bullet points for both the Longed and Loathed list. 

   I go back and forth between these 2 lists freely, and again, I don't stress about writing down details. It's just short-hand. And if there was something particularly difficult or traumatic, I might even write a short code for it and swiftly move on to not dwell on it too much.
   

4. By this point, I may be feeling a little bummed out again, so I go back and read over my Loved list again and add anything else that comes to mind.
   

5. Once I'm feeling done with the Loved, Longed and Loathed lists, I'll then move on to the Learned list. I find by this time I'm much more primed to brainstorm meaningful lessons.
   
   That said, they don't have to be big life lessons. I write a mix of philosophical contemplations as well as any very specific skill or interesting concept I may have learned over the past year. It can be as small or as big as it may be. If it comes to mind, I write it down. There's no pressure and no censoring.
   

6. You can do a final read over everything you've now written down, but that's it. It might seem very simple, but I promise you that even doing this much of the ritual will most probably have you feeling very satisfied and inspired!

The year ahead

As I mentioned above, I gave up on elaborate resolutions or goal-setting frameworks quite a few years ago, and the part of my ritual that looks at what I want my year ahead to be like is much simpler and very low-stress. It involves answering just 3 questions.

• Let go - What will you let go of in the new year?

• Lean in - What will you lean into more in the new year?

• Looking forward to - What are you excited about that's coming up for you in the new year?

Given that I've done this ritual in the previous year too, I'll take a look back at what I wrote in answer to these questions last year and see if any of it carries over. I'll then add any new answers I might have to each of the lists in no particular order. Typically though, I'll focus on the first 2 questions together, and the last question separately.

Let me emphasise again, that these questions are not necessarily about goals. If you happen to have some, that's fine. Add them in where they fit. For me, sometimes what I want to let go of and lean into aligns with some goals, and sometimes they are very simple - maybe a little philosophical - intentions.

Last year I had very few things in my Let go and Lean in lists. One of my Let go things was "stories about my past"; and one of my Lean in things was "getting out to experience things". 

Bonus questions

There are 2 other questions, which are more open-ended, long-form journaling questions, that I consider optional add-ons to the ritual. Some years I've skipped them to minimise getting too much into my head in any way that feels pressured or forced. Nonetheless, they are very useful questions whenever I give them the time. If you can take them on lightly and make the time, I encourage you to give them a go.

1. How would you describe the version of yourself from the past year? How have you changed since the previous year? In what ways have you grown this year?
   

2. What kind of person do you want to become next year? How do you want to grow? How do you want others to experience you?

I recommend writing in stream-of-conscious prose for these questions, not in short-hand. Also, even if I don't answer them one year, I will at least think about them.

Writing is better, but thinking is better than nothing at all. If I had answered them in the previous year I'll also read and reflect on those answers first.

Wrapping it all up

Whether I do this ritual completely alone or not, I will share my reflections (usually not in entirety) with select family and friends when the opportunity arises. I’ll also almost always have some meta reflections once I’m done with the whole ritual that I find helpful to talk through out loud.

Last year some meta-reflections that stood out to me were:

• I’ve only ever had a couple of movies or series make it to any of my Loved lists, which inspired me to be mindful of my viewing choices.

• I had a lot more shorter, outdoor experiences make it on my Loved list, which inspired me to say yes to more such opportunities.

• I noticed some patterns that showed up across my Longed, Loathed and Let go lists that made me more motivated to get a handle on some things I might not have had the motivation for otherwise.

That's it! I hope you enjoy this.

If you do end up trying any or all of this out, please let me know about your experience in the comments. If you have any questions about any of this, let me know too. If you care to share any examples that came up from your practice, I'd love to read about them.

In the meantime, wishing you a very Merry Christmas, happy holidays and a very happy new year!