On chasing pleasure vs contentment
What if true happiness isn’t about choosing between the thrill of pleasure and the peace of contentment, but in mastering the balance between both?
Those of us who find ourselves thinking about what it means to be happy, sometimes stumble upon a fork in the road.
One path leads us toward the wild, exhilarating highs of pleasure. The other takes us toward the calm, steady hum of contentment.
And we're convinced we have to choose a path to walk.
But this is a false choice. You don’t have to pick.
Happiness doesn’t come from settling for one or the other. Real happiness - that deeper sense of joy and fulfilment - comes from both.
The sparks and the stillness.
The thrill and the calm.
One without the other? It leaves you incomplete, forever grasping for something more.
I think about it like this: Pleasure is like a lightning bolt. Bright. Sudden. Powerful. It jolts you awake, makes your heart race, leaves you breathless. But, in the blink of an eye, it’s over. Gone.
Contentment, on the other hand, is like a steady flame. Warm, reliable. It doesn’t knock you off your feet, but it stays with you. It comforts you when the thrill is over, offering a deep, quiet satisfaction that lingers.
And here’s the truth I keep getting reminded of, sometimes painfully when I feel a bout of restlessness and dissatisfaction that I can't quite put my finger on...
You need both.
Pleasure without contentment leaves you running on fumes. Always chasing the next high, never quite satisfied. Always needing more, yet never arriving anywhere solid.
But contentment without moments of distinct pleasure? Life becomes flat. Like a song stuck on a single, repeating note. It’s steady, sure, and seems safe. It may even sound nice at first. But it lacks the richness that makes you feel alive.
Eventually, without some dynamic range, some variance, contentment can suddenly turn into resentment.
The suffering of this imbalance shows up everywhere - in relationships, in careers, in health. It can show up in a team at work, feeling some sense of meaning in their work but failing to grasp moments of pleasure worth celebrating together. And it can show up in the intimacy of a marriage, even when there is a sense of comfort and safety, but a sour staleness gradually creeps in without any novelty or growth.
This imbalance can show up in the boardroom and the bedroom, and anywhere in between.
Why, then, do we act like we have to choose between pleasure or contentment?
Philosophers have debated this for centuries.
The Stoics, for example, valued contentment above all. They called it ataraxia—an inner calm that could weather any storm. It was the kind of peace that didn’t depend on circumstances, a freedom from the chaos of the outside world.
But even they understood that a life without peak experiences of joy would be incomplete. Sure, being calm and collected sounds nice. But don’t you want to feel alive too?
Epicurus, often misunderstood as a hedonist, warned that chasing every pleasure would lead to suffering. Some pleasures, he believed, came with a price—pain, dissatisfaction, or worse. But even he saw the value in simple joys. In savouring the small, beautiful moments life offers us.
Here’s where it all comes together: neither philosophy discounts the importance of balance. Pleasure and contentment are not enemies. They are two sides of the same coin, both necessary for a life well-lived.
And modern science backs this up.
Pleasure—the thrill of it—is all about dopamine. A real buzzword amidst pop-neuroscience these days.
Dopamine is a chemical (a hormone and neurotransmitter to be precise) in your brain that plays a big role in how you feel and act. It’s known as a “feel-good” chemical because it’s released when you do something enjoyable, like eating your favourite food, playing video games, or hanging out with friends. This makes you feel happy or rewarded.
But dopamine doesn’t just affect your mood. It also helps with things like learning, motivation, focus, and even controlling your movements. For example, when you’re working towards a goal—like studying for an exam—dopamine helps keep you motivated to keep going. It's like your brain's way of saying, "Good job, keep it up!"
That rush you get when you bite into your favourite dessert, hit a goal, or experience something new? That’s dopamine at work. It’s the brain’s way of pushing you forward, making you crave more, seek out new experiences, grow.
It drives desire.
But dopamine doesn’t last. It spikes, then fades. The more you get, the more you need to feel the same rush. This is where the chase begins. You know the feeling: the rush wears off, and you’re already looking for the next thing, the next spark.
If you get dopamine release from short bursts of activity like in social media, those types of behaviours get reinforced and you have grounds for addiction.
And that’s where people get trapped. Always wanting, always chasing, never arriving.
But this is where contentment steps in. It’s serotonin that balances it out.
Serotonin is a chemical (also a neurotransmitter) in your brain that helps regulate your mood, making you feel calm, happy, and stable. It also plays a role in other important functions, like helping you sleep, digest food, and control your appetite.
While dopamine is more linked to excitement and reward, serotonin is more about keeping your mood balanced and helping you feel good overall. Low levels of serotonin are often associated with feeling sad or anxious, while balanced levels can make you feel content and relaxed.
Serotonin stabilises mood, gives you that quiet, peaceful feeling of being satisfied, of being OK with where you are—without needing anything extra to feel good. It doesn’t push you to seek out more, but rather lets you enjoy what’s already there.
When dopamine and serotonin work together, life feels rich. You can enjoy the highs without being controlled by them. You can chase pleasure without getting lost in it. You can feel the thrill and rest in the calm. It’s like riding a wave, knowing that no matter how high the peak, you’ll eventually return to the peaceful shore.
But here’s the catch: our world constantly pulls us out of balance. We live in a dopamine-fuelled society—social media, fast entertainment, endless novelty.
Every scroll, every click, every like is another quick hit of dopamine. And it feels good. For a second.
But it’s exhausting, isn’t it?
The constant chase. The endless stream of stimulation that leaves you craving more but never truly satisfied. This is what happens when we lose sight of contentment. The chase for pleasure becomes a trap.
But let’s be clear: contentment doesn’t mean you should settle for a dull, flat existence. It doesn’t mean cutting yourself off from joy or excitement. Far from it.
Contentment is what lets you enjoy pleasure without clinging to it. It’s the foundation that allows you to savour the thrill without being ruled by it. It’s what keeps you grounded when the highs fade.
Picture it like this: pleasure is the splash of colour that makes life vivid, electric, thrilling. But contentment is the canvas. Without it, the colours would have nothing to hold onto.
You don’t need to choose between them. You just need to learn how to balance them.
Too much pleasure without contentment will leave you restless and empty. Too much contentment without pleasure will make life feel flat. The key is in letting them support each other, like two parts of a whole.
This balance isn’t easy to maintain, especially in a world that constantly demands more.
But it’s worth it.
Because when you learn how to dance between the two—between the lightning and the flame—life becomes fuller, richer, more satisfying.
So stop choosing. Let yourself have both.
Let yourself experience the lightning—the moments of thrill, excitement, and joy. But also make space for the flame, that steady warmth that sustains you in between.
Pleasure isn’t something to fear or resist, and contentment isn’t about settling for less.
The real magic happens when you can pursue moments and experiences of pleasure, fully enjoy them, and then return to a regularity grounded in contentment, knowing that the quiet moments are just as valuable. You need both to live fully. To feel alive and at peace.
Let the lightning strike, and then watch the flame burn steady.
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Let me know in the comments how you find the balance between pursuing contentment and pleasure. I’m still exploring and learning how to do this, and what my imbalance and balance reveals to me about what’s under my turban.
I wonder if satisfaction is the building block of both?
It seems to come from small wins, those moments when our actions align with what really matters. Maybe stacking those up is what makes pleasure more meaningful and contentment more lasting, like a thread tying them together.
Happy Diwali, may I add , personally I first chased pleasure and then contentment,both gave me adrenaline more than dopamine and serotonin. Those were a constant anyway. Through other sources.