The ultimate introduction to coaching (for my dad)
Explaining what it means to be a coach (what I do for work) so simply that my dad or even your granny will understand
My father is currently in hospital.
Well, he was for several days when I started writing this, but he’s thankfully back home now as I’m about to publish. He’s recovering from a surgery involving his brain. The prognosis is positive but the recovery will require some patience.
And as I’ve sat with him in the ward listening to him speaking “medical” with doctors and nurses, I’ve been reflecting on how much solace and comfort there is in being able to share the ‘knowing’ of a professional or subject matter domain with people around you. Speaking the lingo and getting the jargon makes a difference, and it’s easy to take it for granted.
My dad’s worked his whole life in the pharmaceutical industry. I also happen to have a medical science degree. So when we break the ice with a doctor or a nurse and start talking the jargon, there’s another level of rapport achieved that feels nice.
It also occurred to me that I’ve done a terrible job of explaining to my dad what I do for work. I mean, I’ve tried, but it’s not easy to grasp for a lot of my friends and even people in my workplace (until they experience it), let alone my father who is of a time and place where you could count the number of “real job” types on both hands.
Once a close friend and client of mine invited me to a fancy dinner with another very successful entrepreneur, and introduced me by saying, “I’m not exactly sure what Dev does, but whatever it is it’s amazing! Maybe he can explain it himself.” This was years ago, and I think I’ve gotten better at explaining what I do (and it varies depending on context and audience) but it’s still not easy.
So, here’s my attempt to explain what coaching is, and what I do for work more broadly when I have my “coaching turban” on. And I’ll attempt to write this in a way that someone like my dad or your granny, or anyone who might be confused by this relatively new and niche profession, can understand.
If you’ve worked with me or another coach before, I hope this will be interesting for you as well anyway. And if you happen to be a coach yourself, or want to convince someone to engage one, I hope this will help you simplify your explanations for your own purposes.
What is my job?
I’m currently employed on a full-time basis by the NSW Government (that's the New South Wales state in Australia) and what people see in my resume, on my LinkedIn profile and in my email signature is “Design and Agile Coach”. The “design” and “agile” are helpful words to describe a couple of the relevant specialisations I use “coaching” in, at least within the context of this role.
However, there are many other words that could be used in the title instead of or in addition to those (such as “leadership”, “business”, “collaboration”, “team”, “strategy”, and “product” to name a few). I also sometimes work with private clients (mostly small business owners and start-up founders) and the words at the front can theoretically change depending on the client and their unique circumstances.
The thing that stays constant though is “coach”. So I’ll focus my explanation on what that means more generally, in an organisational setting.
What is a coach?
In a work or business setting, a coach is like a mentor or a teacher. It’s not exactly the same thing, but they are also there to help employees do their jobs better, and for teams to work better amongst themselves and with other people and teams that they need to work with.
A coach listens to the goals and concerns of individuals and teams and helps them improve their skills and performance to be able to achieve their goals and deal with their own challenges better.
The practice of being a coach is focused on using tools and techniques like asking interesting and useful questions and gently guiding people to their own self-awareness of, clarity about, and commitment to solving their own problems or making their own plans to achieve their own goals.
The reason for this, instead of just giving advice or teaching things, is the belief that when people identify their own problems, solutions and actions, they are more likely to accept and act on them at a deeper psychological level that sticks in the long run.
In an organisational setting, and with start-ups and small business owners, I do also give advice and support, and I also run classes and seminars and teach in individual settings, to help people and teams as best as I can.
Why do people hire coaches?
In my experience, there are 3 types of people that hire coaches.
The first type is senior-level people in medium to large organisations who want to improve the capability and performance of various individuals and teams across the organisation.
The second type is managers, team leaders or small business owners who want to improve their own team’s performance, including themselves.
The third type is individuals who hire coaches specifically for themselves. This can be for quite a variety of reasons in a variety of different situations, and the benefits will vary too based on the individual’s goals and situation.
That said, I’ll explain why these different types of people hire coaches in general terms that will give a decent overview of the benefits of coaching. This is not an exhaustive list of benefits. I’ve just tried to highlight some of the most typical and primary ones that inform the decisions to hire a coach.
Also, the lines between these 3 types of people are not so hard and most of these benefits are relevant in some way to all three types of clients.
Benefits of hiring a coach for medium to large organisations
Improving teams: In medium to large organisations one of the things coaches like me do is work with teams to improve teamwork, communication, and collaboration. This leads to teams working smoothly, making fewer mistakes, and achieving goals faster. Sometimes this also involves teaching new ways of working and managing workflows, as is very typical in the case of an “Agile Coach'“. I do a lot of this myself.
Developing leadership: Coaches like me also help senior leaders (and leaders at all levels actually) become better at making decisions, supporting and influencing others, and taking full advantage of their resources and experience. We also provide tools to leaders to handle leadership and management challenges effectively, inspire their teams, and lead them with confidence. Improved leadership means a more successful organisation overall, and has a great impact on improving workplace culture and employee engagement.
Solving problems: Coaches like me who work with organisations, contrary to some popular misconception, are also problem solvers. We have unique capabilities and tools to dig deep into organisational challenges, find root causes, and develop innovative solutions (or suggest the old, boring ones that simply work).
The thing that coaches can do especially well in regards to solving problems - compared to specialist consultants for example - is that they can ensure that the organisation learns from the problem-solving and becomes better at solving such problems on their own into the future. This helps organisations overcome obstacles, reduce conflicts, and operate much more efficiently in the long run.
Benefits of hiring a coach for teams and smaller organisations
Better team performance: Coaches like me focus quite a lot on team dynamics and making the most of individual skills across a team. We can identify areas that need improvement and provide or suggest targeted training, besides providing coaching directly to the team as a group and individual team members. This also extends beyond individual capabilities to how the team collaborates and functions together.
This results in higher team performance, better outcomes, and increased job satisfaction. I like to speak about this in terms of “making the whole greater than the sum of its parts”.Learning together: Coaches facilitate learning within teams. This doesn’t mean simply running seminars and workshops, but focusing on maximising learning on the job for the team members. We might introduce new learning methods, encourage sharing of ideas, and foster a culture of continuous improvement. This is just as valuable for teams within larger organisations as it is for small businesses and start-ups.
Also, the learning is not just about technical or soft skills, but also better learning about changing market trends, customer sentiment, and how the team is working together. All of this leads to a team that gets better and better over time and feels more connected with each other, also contributing to making the whole greater than the sum of its parts.Developing leadership: This benefit explained above applies here also. There is a difference though. When working specifically with younger teams, small businesses or start-ups, the people in leadership positions have often had more experience with their subject matter expertise than with leading people and teams.
Whilst they might have attended a management course (or several) here and there, working with a good leadership coach helps to build self-awareness and develop the person’s own leadership style in a way that is more personalised to their strengths, personality and context.
I love doing this kind of work because I get to act as a partner with my clients in designing themselves into the kind of leaders they aspire to become. This can involve teaching things like effective communication, time management, delegation and decision-making, but also often involves exploring some deeper psychological aspects influencing my client’s leadership development.
Benefits of hiring a coach for individuals
In organisational settings, coaches will of course often work with individuals who didn’t hire the coach themselves. However, sometimes an individual will decide to hire a coach for themselves privately, and many benefits inspire them to do this.
Personalised growth: Hiring a coach allows individuals to focus on their specific needs and goals. Coaches create personalised plans to address individual challenges and aspirations in an accelerated way.
Skill enhancement: Coaches help individuals improve specific skills, whether becoming a better communicator, leader, or problem solver. This targeted skill development can lead to career advancement and personal growth at an exponential rate.
Confidence building: Coaches work on building self-confidence and self-esteem. They help individuals overcome self-doubt and fear, enabling them to take on new challenges with assurance.
Goal achievement: Coaches assist individuals in setting clear, achievable goals. They provide guidance and support to help individuals stay on track and successfully reach their objectives.
Motivation, focus and accountability: When individuals hire a coach, they have someone to provide motivation, support them in managing their focus, and hold them accountable for their actions and progress. This accountability in itself can be a strong motivator to stay committed to their goals, and it can be helpful to have this transcend the boundaries between work and home life.
Improved decision-making: Coaches help individuals make better decisions by providing them with tools and frameworks for analysing situations and options. This leads to more informed and effective choices.
Also, entrepreneurs and senior leaders often face tough decisions. As a coach, I provide a practical sounding board for ideas and offer valuable insights based on their experience. I might switch to giving advice based on my experience too sometimes, but as mentioned earlier, the idea is to come up with solutions the deepest part of their psychology can adopt and implement.Clarity of vision: Some coaches help entrepreneurs and executives clarify their business vision and mission. This is something I have done quite a bit of and still do from time to time. I’ll help through special facilitation techniques to pull clear, achievable goals from my client’s minds and work with them to create a roadmap to achieve those goals. This ensures that the business is headed in the right direction from the start, or can course correct effectively.
Risk mitigation: Coaches help identify potential risks and challenges in advance. They work with individuals to develop contingency plans and strategies for mitigating risks. Having someone ask you particular questions in a specialised way can draw your attention to your own blind spots, which is incredibly useful in minimising the impact of unexpected setbacks.
Work-life balance: Coaches can help individuals strike a balance between work and personal life. They provide strategies for managing time, reducing stress, and maintaining overall well-being.
Overcoming challenges: Coaches support individuals in overcoming obstacles and challenges, whether they are related to work, relationships, or personal development. The way they do this can vary quite a bit depending on the training and experience of the coach, but the universal intention any half-decent coach will hold is to build resourcefulness and self-sufficiency for the client.
Enhanced communication: Coaches can often help improve communication skills, enabling individuals to express themselves more effectively and build stronger relationships with others. This is a powerful life skill that I love helping my clients develop because it leads to so many benefits in so many different areas of life.
Networking and relationship building: Coaches can help individuals expand their networks and develop meaningful relationships, which can open up new opportunities in both personal and professional life. To be honest, I don’t know a lot of coaches that do this and it is not something I do a lot of myself.
Having said that, when I take on a private coaching client, my most fundamental intention is to build their resourcefulness and capacity to enhance their life in whatever ways they want (within ethical bounds) and my commitment and service to them goes well beyond our one-on-one conversations. I think of myself as an active business partner in the business of their self-improvement.
Life transitions: During major life changes, such as career shifts or personal milestones, coaches offer guidance and support to navigate these transitions successfully. It’s in my nature to do this for my friends anyway, and if you’re subscribed to my newsletter then you might have experienced this with me at some point yourself.
Stress management: Some coaches teach stress management techniques and strategies to help individuals cope with stress and maintain mental and emotional well-being. More importantly, though, we’ll use coaching tools and techniques to support the behaviour change needed to make the client better at managing their stress in the long term.
Adaptability and agility: In the fast-paced world of businesses, being able to respond to changing market conditions and circumstances is crucial. As an “agile” coach, a big part of what I do is helping business leaders stay flexible and adjust their strategies as new challenges or new opportunities arise. Start-up and scale-up founders and owner-operators will ask me to help them get out of their own way and become more agile in their leadership, alongside embedding agile practices into their business.
Overall life satisfaction: Ultimately, hiring a coach can lead to greater life satisfaction because we help individuals identify their values, priorities, and purpose, and support them to align their actions with these guiding principles. And we do this in ways that move them closer to their goals faster and more consistently than they could on their own.
What makes a good coach?
Most good “coaches” won’t only do “coaching”. They will teach, advise, facilitate and even mentor. But what makes a good coach is knowing when and how to do this in a way that feels natural, easy to digest and the effects stick.
Unfortunately, coaching is not a regulated profession and so the barriers of entry to calling yourself a coach range from being extremely low to non-existent. For this reason, there are a lot of professional coaches who are not very professional or simply not very good. I’m only stating this as a matter of fact based on my more than 15 years of observing the coaching profession very closely and having my observations verified by other great coaches who have significantly more experience than me.
That said, here are some things broadly speaking, in my experience and opinion, that make a coach good, organised into categories.
Expertise and skills
Subject matter knowledge: A professional coach doesn’t always need to possess in-depth knowledge of the relevant subject matter or industry they’re working in, but some relevant knowledge is essential, and sometimes more is needed.
For example, you wouldn’t trust a fitness coach who was completely out of shape and couldn’t demonstrate a solid understanding of exercise physiology. Whereas a good career coach doesn’t need to have formal training in “career-ology” and might rely much more on having good coaching skills, and a broad understanding of career development and transition issues.Goal setting and planning: A good coach will be able to quickly demonstrate expertise in helping clients set clear and achievable goals, breaking them down into actionable steps, and creating realistic plans for success. If a coach asks very interesting questions but the conversation goes around in circles and there isn’t directional clarity about the client’s goals and a path forward, this might be a sign of a not-so-good coach.
Feedback and assessment: The ability to provide constructive feedback and assess a client's progress accurately is a critical expertise for good coaches. A good coach will be able to regularly offer not just positive feedback but also constructive criticism in a way that feels safe, welcome and doesn’t make the client feel defensive. A bad coach may avoid offering constructive criticism altogether.
Problem-solving skills: Coaches should be skilled in helping clients identify and overcome challenges, finding effective solutions to obstacles that may arise, regardless of context. How exactly this is done can vary, and you don’t necessarily need a coach with a huge toolbox, but a good coach will use whatever tools they have to support efficient problem-solving.
Cultural competency: A good coach will have the expertise to work effectively with clients from diverse cultural backgrounds, respecting their different values and perspectives. You might think this is a nice to have, or useful if the coach is actually going to work with people from a variety of cultural backgrounds.
The thing is, whilst an okay coach can perhaps get away without having a certain level of cultural intelligence, being a good coach requires consistent practice of letting go of judgement and seeing an individual for all they are. If a coach can make a client really, truly feel seen, heard and understood then this is a great sign. And to be a good coach, you can’t just look past culture, you need to actually recognise and appreciate its influence on a person or team’s psychology and performance.
Behavioural psychology: I’m not saying that a coach needs formal psychology qualifications to be considered good. However, a deeper than average interest in behavioural psychology, and an evolving study of it, is critical to separate the average from the good. It pains me to see professionals that get qualified over a 2 day certification course as “coaches” who may have strong technical expertise, but not much interest in learning about people and how their mind works. And being a sociable and friendly person does not count.
I have personally worked with coaches that have been more helpful to me than clinical psychologists with 10+ years of training. But I believe this would not have been possible if they didn’t have a strong foundational understanding of behavioural psychology, even if it was from self-guided learning.
I personally started studying psychology formally as part of my medical science degree at university a long time ago, but I never stopped, and continue to keep up with theoretical research and practical trends in psychology and psychotherapy whenever I can, both through formal training and self-guided education.Reflective inquiry: This is the coaching skill I consider the most fundamental to work on mastering, and it isn’t as easy as it seems. The inquiry part is about asking thoughtful and introspective questions that encourage clients to reflect on their experiences, beliefs, and motivations, fostering self-awareness and deeper understanding.
Average to even decent coaches often stop there and lean on asking questions like a crutch. A good coach will take it further. The reflective part of reflective inquiry is about reflecting back the client’s subconscious patterns of thinking and behaving to create more self-awarenss and critical understanding of what might need to change or evolve. This requires a good deal of empathy, deep listening, and a strong focus to follow along non-linear conversations and draw threads together in a meaningful and helpful way.
Whilst the term “reflective inquiry” was coined by John Dewey in his 1910 book ‘How We Think’, if you want to learn more about this skill, I’m a massive fan of Marcia Reynold’s 2020 book ‘Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry’.
You’re also welcome to contact me directly to ask me more about it. I’ll probably write an entire article about it soon, so don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already.
Characteristics
A coaching relationship, even in an organisational setting, is an intimate and vulnerable relationship. Many of my coaching conversations that start with topics like project management or business growth can end up touching on very personal and sensitive topics.
So knowing the craft really isn’t enough to be a good coach. It’s very important that for a coach to be considered good (at least in my opinion) that they also possess, nurture and embody certain characteristics. All of them, consistently. I’m going to list some succinctly that are top of mind for me here.
Empathy: Generally described as the ability to take on another's perspective, to understand, feel and possibly share and respond to their experience. Whilst this is arguably a skill that can be learnt and developed, some coaches just demonstrate empathy much more naturally as a characteristic. Those are the good ones!
Non-judgmental: A characteristic of being non-judgmental and accepting of clients' choices and experiences.
Curiosity: A strong desire and inclination to learn more about things (including the client and their context). Coaches that lead with curiosity tend to be non-judgemental and more empathetic too.
Patience: A characteristic of remaining calm and patient while clients work through challenges or make progress at their own pace.
Trustworthiness: The quality of being trustworthy and dependable, creating a strong foundation of trust in the coaching relationship.
Open-mindedness: A characteristic of being open to diverse perspectives and ideas, which fosters creativity and growth.
Authenticity: Being genuine and true to oneself, which helps build authenticity and trust in the coaching relationship.
Flexibility: The ability to adapt to changing circumstances and client needs.
Enthusiasm: Demonstrating enthusiasm and passion for the coaching process, motivating and energising clients.
Empowerment: A characteristic of empowering clients to make informed decisions and take control of their lives.
Supportiveness: Providing unwavering support and encouragement to clients on their journey.
Intuition: A characteristic of having a strong intuition or gut feeling about what clients may need, which can guide coaching interactions, but without imposing ‘guesses’ onto the client (or putting your words into the client’s mouth).
Compassion: This is slightly contraversial. There are some that believe compassion actually gets in the way of good coaching. I disagree. Let’s first define it.
Compassion is a deep and genuine feeling of empathy, concern, and kindness toward others, especially when they are experiencing suffering, adversity, or challenges. It involves a willingness to understand and alleviate the suffering of others, often accompanied by a desire to offer support, comfort, or help in any way possible. Compassion goes beyond mere sympathy; it involves a heartfelt connection with others and a genuine desire to make their lives better or more bearable.
I believe compassion is a fundamental human quality that fosters empathy and a sense of shared humanity. And in an organisational setting, where there are sometimes more suffering and de-humanising experiences than people care to openly talk about, being compassionate will drive a coach to be so much better in facilitating innovative solutions to people and business problems.A coach that is just focused on giving advice or implementing strategy very well, but doesn’t notice or care about the suffering or vulnerability that may be present under the surface, will never be as useful in the long run.
Credibility
One more thing that makes a coach recognisable as a good one is their credibility. You may be thinking that expertise, skills and characteristics are what credibility is made up of, but those are only an essential foundation. The true credibility of a good coach comes from how they use their expertise, skill and characteristics, in combination with their lived experience, to get results that clients can speak about themselves. This actually represents 2 very important things.
The coach isn’t only impressive in what they know and how they speak but can deliver meaningful outcomes for their clients, that can be clearly attributed to the coach.
The coach has refined their understanding of who they are best suited to work with over time and they know who to work with to consistently build up evidence of getting positive results.
Neither of these are easy, and I believe there is actually a lot of luck involved as well. I’ve been lucky to get a little better at both of these things over time, and I thought it would be useful to share what kinds of things clients might say about a coach.
The below are a few anonymised excerpts from some very kind words I’ve received recently, which hopefully give you a sense of the experience a client can have working with a coach.
Dev is the ultimate extractor of knowledge; he has an unparalleled ability to pull the best out of people and reflect insights in a way that opens new pathways of thinking.
As a coach, [Dev] has been a constant source of wisdom, reassurance, and inspiration. I really appreciate his thoughtfulness, his ability to listen, and the techniques he uses to help me envisage the life and career I want and work towards making it a reality.
Dev's approach is characterised by reflection, precision, and a commitment to fostering a safe, authentic and productive space for discussions. His presence has been a welcoming force in our workplace, creating an environment where growth and collaboration naturally flourish.
Dev has the unique ability to ask powerful questions that cut through subconscious assumptions and reveal the best path forward. His focus on outcomes has greatly improved both the quality of our work and the satisfaction that we get from undertaking it. As a coach, Dev’s ability to unearth hidden insights has proven hugely valuable for me as I progress in my career.
Dev's collaborative approach has fostered a sense of unity and camaraderie within our team. He consistently encourages, following agile principles, open communication and constructive feedback, making each team member feel valued and heard. As a result, our collective creativity and problem-solving abilities have flourished, leading to innovative solutions and successful project outcomes.
Conclusion and requests
As I mentioned early on, my intention of writing this was to create a simple but comprehensive introduction to what coaching actually is as a profession, particularly in the context of what it means when I say that I’m a coach to my dad and some others who don’t really know what that means.
That said, there would be a lot more to cover if I was writing an ultimate introduction to coaching for a different audience, and even if it was for people who were interested in becoming a coach. There’s also more information about coaching that is interesting and useful to know if you wanted to go beyond an introduction.
So here are a few requests I have for you.
Please tell me in the comments if you found this to be a simple, clear and illuminating introduction. I normally would have tested this with my dad before doing a final edit, given he’s my primary audience in this case, but it’ll take him a little while longer to recover enough to be able to read this whole thing.
If you are a coach or have experience with coaching, please tell me in the comments if I missed anything you think is important to cover in an introduction to coaching. It’s been a hectic few days, I may have just forgotten something obvious.
Let me know if you have any questions or curiosities about coaching that you’d like me to explore in the future. You can leave a comment or contact me directly with your request or ideas.
Finally, please share this. My primary motivation for writing is not to build a massive audience, but sometimes I write something I really want more people to see because I believe the world will be better for it.
As an advocate for coaching as a profession and service that I think can do a lot of good in the world, I hope this article can help people who could benefit from coaching. Besides clarifying for my dad what this work is, I hope that others who haven’t quite figured out what it actually is are inspired, so that they may find a good coach and take their personal and professional performance to new heights.