Two kinds of time, and fragments of childhood (weekly wrap #013)
This is a different kind of wrap, and a little more sombre and pensive than usual
A couple of days ago one of my best friends gave me a call to check in on me, knowing that I was dealing with a difficult situation and was in a troubled headspace.
Amidst the conversation he shared the below poem with me:
Two Kinds of Time by Rabbi David Zaslow
Chronos:
Father time
Tic toc time
Set the alarm time
Time to get up time
What time is it time
Lunchtime
Time to relax time
Gotta plan stuff time
Put it in my calendar time.
Workweek time
Makin’ a living time
Gotta get it done time
Move your tuches time
Do do do time.Kairos:
The right moment kind of time
This is what it’s all been leading to time
I don’t even know what time it is time
Here I am time
I’m not even asking what time it is time
Time beyond measured time
What is time? time
This is the perfect moment time
Just hangin’ out time
In the zone time
My kind of time time
Sit, have some tea time
Weekend time
Good Shabbos time
Be be be time.
It came on the back of a deep conversation reflecting on things like envy, self-criticism, perceptions of success, failure and ‘making it’. And - perhaps most poignantly - it also came on the back of a call I had just gotten off in which I received news that a childhood friend, who I had been in and out of touch with over the past couple of decades (more out of touch with in recent years), was murdered about a week ago.
It feels uncomfortable to write this because as shocked and disturbed as I’ve been, I can’t even imagine what his family (and I know he had a large, extended one that he was close with) would be going through and will be going through for a long time coming.
In fact, there have been moments just in the last 48 hours that I’ve felt some strange dissonance and an unsettled feeling that I don’t deserve to grieve someone I hadn’t been in touch with for a long time, or close with for even longer. And perhaps the only thing justified would be to extract the wisdom of perspective and count my blessings, because I had a lot to be thankful for and not really lost anything. Not really.
But that’s not true.
Whilst I wouldn’t dare to compare my feelings to friends and family who were very much in my once-friend’s life and much closer to him, I realised I did lose something.
I lost a tiny part of my childhood. Again.
Over the decades, I’ve seen death, abandonment, estrangement, and sometimes even just being ghosted by people. People I didn’t think I was particularly close with or emotionally invested in, but they all had some meaningful connection to my childhood and there was a deep nostalgia that laid resting under the surface.
I’ve come to accept that it’s nothing personal and quite a universal, human experience. But these losses, where there was a tether to the relative innocence of my childhood that I know will never return, really sting.
It could be individuals, it could be places, it could be relationships, and it could even be the simplest of material things like a plush toy or an old photo. Losing something that feels like it has a both logical and magical connection to our childhood, and that we so easily take for granted, sucks.
And whilst it may not be the kind of devastating grief that comes with losing a family member or close friend (especially unexpectedly or before their time), what we lose is a little piece of our childhood, and our innocence becomes a tiny bit more fragmented.
I don’t have any advice or suggestions following this reflection. It just happens to be the most predominant thing buzzing around under my turban this past week, and it felt inappropriate to include a bunch of links to other things I’ve been reading, watching, etc.
All I can tell you is that my conversation with my friend, and the poem he shared, did help a lot.
If you have any advice or perspective, feel free to let me know. You can email me directly if you’d like. In the meantime, I hope sharing the poem and my reflections help you loosen your grip a little on chronos time, and cherish your kairos time even just a little more.
Thank you for reading and I wish you a nice weekend.
Dev
P.S. This felt relevant to revisit:
