The art of suffering, EQ tool from Yale, and being like an equaliser (weekly wrap #006)

Hey I’ve noticed I have a curse of lurkers.

My open rates are pleasantly very high and I get some private, individual replies from people, which I really enjoy, but likes and comments are very low. Please do me a favour - it helps with reach, engagement and my self-esteem - if you read and like this weekly wrap, please just click on the heart button. And if you feel inspired enough…

This is the 6th weekly wrap-up of some cool things I’ve come across and some ponderings I’ve had over the last week.

---

Something (a poem) that made me pause and appreciate

It was Spring, but it was Summer I wanted –

the warm days and the great outdoors.

It was Summer, but it was Fall I wanted –

the colorful leaves and the cool, dry air.

It was Fall, but it was Winter I wanted –

the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.

It was Winter, but it was Spring I wanted –

the warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted –

the freedom and the respect.

I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted –

to be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged, but it was twenty I wanted –

the youth and the free spirit.

I was retired, but it was middle age I wanted –

the presence of mind without limitations.

Then my life was over, and I never got what I wanted.

- Written by Jason Lehman at age 14 (Published February 14, 1989)

---

I discovered the above poem in Dan Millman’s newsletter. Dan Millman is one of my favourite authors and has been a huge influence on my life and what’s under my turban. And reading this reminded me of this wisdom from Dan himself from one of my all-time favourite books:

“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever.” - Dan Millman, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

---

Something I geeked out on

The Mood Meter is a psychological tool designed to help individuals recognise, understand, and regulate their emotions. It was developed as part of the RULER approach by Dr Marc Brackett and his team at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

There is also apparently an app, but when I went to find it, it appeared as if the app page has been hacked and overtaken by a Chinese gambling site. There are other apps on the store using the name but I’m not sure if they’re official or not. If anyone can find the official one, please let me know. If I find it, I’ll put the link in the comments.

---

Something I’ve been pondering

I met a new friend recently who, in the process of learning about what I do for work, asked me a very interesting question. When I told her that as a coach and facilitator I’ve learnt how to build rapport and get along with very different kinds of people - including people who others may find very difficult to get along with - she asked me, “How do you manage to do that without being duplicitous?"

It’s a great question, because we (our generation at least) talk a lot about authenticity and integrity, and the idea of getting along with different kinds of people can conjure up an image of someone putting on different masks to present themselves very differently to different people.

Here’s my response:

We all have the capacity to have diversity, variety and vastness in our personality. When we’re meeting with someone, it’s not practically possible to immediately showcase every single aspect of ourselves anyway, but people are often not conscious and mindful of how they’re presenting themselves and being perceived anyway.

So, if you want to be careful and duplicitous, then yeah you can think about which facets of yourself you’re showing and what you’re hiding, and what you may be faking.

Even without the faking, you might think of yourself as a dice, and make a choice about which face your putting forward. You could argue whether this is duplicitous or not.

But if you want to build rapport and get along with different kinds of people - even difficult people - in a more genuine and authentic way, then don’t think of your personality as a dice. Think of it like an equaliser. Depending on the kind of music you are listening to you might adjust your lows, mids and highs to create the best fidelity and sound for that music. Similarly, when you’re interacting with someone, you can make an informed judgement as to what particular parts of your personality and thoughts you might turn up or down to produce the best ‘sound’ in that interaction.

If you find this kind of pondering interesting you might enjoy this too:

---

Please remember, if you enjoyed this do me a favour and click on the heart to let me know.

Thanks and have a great weekend!

Dev